I am a body dripping pearls
through the pores in my skin,
a smiling
glistening
trembling
Cinderella happy ending.
I am a river filled with gold,
and lies and teeth and tears,
flowing,
dreaming,
falling,
breathing.
And you stand
with your toes in the water,
always nonbelieving.
I speak,
sputter,
while the water's filling up:
"I thought you could,
I thought you could."
And you see,
my eyes tell stories
that my mouth never would.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
This was a fantastic reawakening of sylvia plath. I noticed your name and i can really see her influence in you, and when i say influenced i dont mean plagiarized. I dont yet have the words to disect your poem, hopefuly ill get more sivilized and i can do it some justice. But you should know that the poem makes sense on a basic level, artful is certainly the word.
Keep up the good fight.
Hold the siren tight.
Oh thank you all so much! I wasn't expecting people to respond so soon.
Actually, I think I will change the comma to a period. That's a good suggestion.
And as for the teeth part, I included it because I wanted to link the physical to the metaphorical again, like I did with the pearls and the pores in the skin.
I was going for something along the lines of: the speaker is seemingly content (smiling, pearls, Cinderella happy ending, etc.), but she's actually very weak and deteriorating and all of the things she does are attempts to show this other person (and this other person only) that she's not really okay. He doesn't believe that what he's really seeing is wrong, but she thought he could see past it ("I thought you could").
So...yeah.
:]
You know, despite not fully understanding the meaning of the poem, there's something I really like about it.
What confused me about what was actually happening is that the beginning seemed to imply a happy situation:
However, by the end I was thinking that the speaker is lying to someone because of these lines:
If the poem is about the speaker lying to someone else, then the beginning could maybe be clarified a little. I think Sportgurl46 is right about the comma, however I don't know what it should be changed to because I'm a little unsure of the link between the first image and the happy ending.
Anyway, although I don't quite get it, I love the way this is written. I love love love the rhyming, the first image and the ending. Although, with regard to the river image, I have to admit that 'teeth' stands out a little. It would be interesting to link 'flowing,/dreaming,/falling,/breathing' with the elements in the river.
I'm sorry I don't have many comments but I like this piece quite a lot already!
Wow. One simple word; wow. I have never read a poem so intriguing and inspiring. That was beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful poems i had ever read. If you have any other poems like this, please PM me!
i thought this was really good
there were a few things that i noticed though.
for not writting something for eight months this is really good 
if you have any questions please pm me 
1) "I am a body dripping pearls
through the pores in my skin,"
i think that this shouldn't be a coma. it just seems like the wrong place to put it. i think that a period would fit better there. i don't know if i am just reading it wrong or not, but if i am then don't change it.
2) "and lies and teeth and tears,"
what do teeth have to do with this?
that is all i have
hope this helps
happy writing